5 Steps to Safe Guns on Campus

My latest piece for Bullshitist.

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Note: The piece is a satire, but what follow here is not.

The Florida state legislature will consider a bill in 2017 that would allow people to carry guns on college campuses. Currently, permitted gun owners can not carry guns on campus, but they can keep guns locked in their vehicles that are parked on college property.

In addition to being a former college student myself, I taught college students for about 20 years. The institutions where I taught include state universities in urban settings and rural settings, and private colleges in both urban and rural settings. I have friends who still teach college now.

American college campuses are hotbeds of high emotion, high stress, and high alcohol consumption. I don’t know anyone in favor of allowing guns on campus, but of course I live in my own left-wing bubble. People break laws, but still, it seems both tragic and ridiculous me that students under 21 will be forbidden to possess alcohol on campus — because they aren’t mature enough to handle it — but that under this proposed legislation, they will be allowed to possess guns. Really?

It’s this sort of insanity that makes me turn to satire.

 

Adoptee Reading Resource Features WALK AWAY

Adoptee Reading Resource, a very cool site that I’ve mentioned here before, featured WALK AWAY on its December 1 blog. I’m super-honored to be in the company of other adoptees who’ve shared their stories, their challenges, their triumphs, and their research with other adoptees around the world.

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You know you’ve come across a cool blog when the tag line comes from international award-winning author and adoptee Jeanette Winterson: “That is what literature offers — a language powerful enough to say how it is.”

Winterson was one of my very first adoptee heroes; I identified completely with her story of growing up as “the different one” in a crazy house in ORANGES ARE NOT THE ONLY FRUIT. Why? I think it was the first book I read after learning that I was adopted that had an ungrateful adoptee as the protagonist.

As Winterson has said when asked if ORANGES is a lesbian novel, “It’s for anyone interested in what happens at the frontiers of common-sense.” So yeah, it’s not just a lesbian novel, or an adoptee novel – it’s a book about making sense out of lies. A familiar task for many adoptees.

Lots of other awesome adoptee writers are featured on Adopted Reading Resource – over 400!

Petulant Tweets Cited as New Energy Source

Scientists thought they were dreaming, but it turns out that yes, there is a brand-new gas on the block – an emission created by petulant tweets that can be converted into energy. And it just might save the world.

“We thought we’d identified all of the naturally-occurring gases,” said Dr. Han Jimson. “This one escaped our notice because of its extreme rarity – until now. Shortly after the Republican primary ramped up, a researcher at radionuclide station RN75 in Charlottesville, Virginia noticed some off-the-chart readings.”

Radionuclide station RN75 is one of 80 stations worldwide that can detect radioactive particles in the air that may originate from a nuclear blast. A series of tests confirmed the rogue gas was unique, and tracer technology located the emission source – not in a nuclear blast, but in a long series of petulant tweets.

The new gas is actually an element, and will be included in the periodic table under a new column, “Ignoble Gasses.” The “noble gases” are so-called because they do not react with other elements. The new category of “ignoble gases” reacts to anything that gets posted on the internet.

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“We’ve named it Igorge, and its symbol will be ‘Ig,’” said Dr. Hanson. “Until now, we didn’t know where the hot-air energy used in emitting petulant tweets went. Now, that mystery has been solved, too. The energy reacts with electrons in the internet of things and opinions, creating Igorge.”

Unlike 20th century experiments that sought to derive energy from pre-social media gas-bags, the petulant tweet gas Ig can be readily harnessed by a process called “air-fracking” that sucks everything we once held sacred into a vacuum, and then extracts from it whatever bullshit capitalism can sell back to us.

Some environmental activists raised concerns about air-fracking’s effect on the overall concentration of available oxygen, but officials from the incoming administration assuaged those fears. “We’re entering a period of belt-tightening to make America great again. If oxygen levels decline, the American people will adapt, as they always have. Meanwhile, Igorge exports will bring in huge amounts of profit, which will trickle down to the average Joe. Igorge will be huge, huge, huge, and everyone will be driving gold-plated limousines soon.”

Scientists say it will take several generations, however, for brain and lung capacity to shrink and adapt in response to a reduced supply of oxygen. The current generations of humans on the planet can expect to experience periodic befuddlement.

Last week, I started writing satire. Bullsitist published my first one, “Operation Keep It in Your Pants.

Three New Poems at Peacock Journal

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Truthfully, only “Kicking Out” is new as in drafted, revised, and submitted in the past six months. The second poem in the group is three years old (a toddler!) and has been rejected at least 22 times. Click on the image, or here , for all three.

I love it when an online journal matches  writing  with visual art. The artist here is Deborah Beaver, who hails from Hawaii.

Peacock Journal lives up to its aesthetic as a beautiful online journal. I decided to submit some poems because my poetry pal, A.M. Juster published a poem, “Rounding up the Mimes,” there.

To pay it forward, I spread the good news about Peacock to the poetry group I attend in Florida, and Aliesa Zoecklein‘s work will appear in Peacock very soon. Keep a look out for two poems from Aliesa!

Poetry and Memoir

Trish Hopkinson, gifted poet and model literary citizen, maintains a super blog with boatloads of free information about writing and publishing. This month, I’m one of her guest bloggers, exploring connections between poetry and memoir. Rock on, Trish, and all us writers!

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“I write in both genres, and have often wondered what impels me toward each type of expression. Time lapse is one element that seems to convince me that a subject should find its place in a poem: if a specific, momentary observation moves me, that seems less appropriate to a memoir-style essay, and more appropriate to a lyric poem that can make use of what poet Kate Light has called the “imploded image.” Even then, though, seepage occurs. For example, I recently worked on both a poem and a lyric essay using one of those momentary observations: a young cardinal leaping from the nest for the first time.  This fledgling image is one that’s very easy to treat in a hackneyed manner, and maybe my search for a fresh take on this moment is what led me to try both genres.  Last month, after many, many revisions, I submitted each piece for publication in different journals. We’ll see what happens.”

Read the entire post here

“Hidden in a Suitcase” now on HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE ADOPTED

#AdopteeRights are human rights – the right to your own identity, for example, or the right to citizenship that’s being stripped away from international adoptees in America right now. If you’re not adopted, the best way to learn about adoptee rights and the complexity of adoption is to listen to stories from adoptees themselves.

This month, for #NAAM2016,  HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE ADOPTED is sharing stories written by adoptees. I’m honored to have one of my stories included here.

My First Click-Bait Title

What do you think?

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I wrote this piece last spring and started sending it out this summer. It was about 6,000 words in length. One of the Narratively editors wrote to say they were interested in it if I could cut it down to about 2,500 words. So I did, and I signed a contract giving them the right to title it as they saw fit — pretty standard stuff for a non-academic publisher. My title, btw, was “Not My Heart.” Obviously not very click-bait-y.

The essay has been out for a few days, and it’s driven over 200 views on my webpage. So I’m not complaining  – just curious.

Reaction to the essay has been positive within my own network, but on Narratively’s Facebook page, there are a bunch of negative comments like “Disgusting!” I’m wondering if the title and the blurb below it are to blame – but of course, some readers might just be repulsed by my whole approach to self-revelation or to exploring the complexities of adoption.

I’d love know what you think. Does the title and the blurb below it draw you in, or put you off?